There are good days
a new list | containing the dazzle | sustenance for all the other days
Last Friday was an exceptional day. On waking the morning after a fabulous and jam-packed book event at my local indie shop Haarlem in Wirksworth, I found out Maria Popova of The Marginalian had written a long and generous synthesis of Weathering in her outstanding newsletter. I have read TM since it was called Brainpickings and consider her one of culture’s best ‘thought leaders’, possessing a remarkable knack for selecting exemplary and magnificent texts and weaving them together with other voices and ideas so thoughtfully and intelligently, week after week, year after year. Never in a million years would I have imagined ever writing anything worthy of featuring, but had I secretly hoped? Yes, I believe that once upon a time I did. Maria is not someone who’s opinion or blog space you can buy – she seems to wholly exist outside of the realm of pitches and ads – and because of this I trust her mind implicitly. That she called Weathering ‘uncommonly wonderful’ and ‘altogether magnificent’ made my year. In fact, I sent it to my editor and agent immediately declaring my retirement. I would surely never top this honour.
Shortly after that, I got a message from someone producing a show for Channel 4 who wanted to include me in a new TV series. It turns out I will be away for the filming period, but it was astonishing to be asked. And then an hour later from that head-rush, I had a meeting with a small team to plan a new project beginning in 2025 leading a Ruth-style ‘fieldtrip’ in one of the most geologically amazing places in the UK (read: world!) – a dream collaboration, which I will tell you more about soon. If all of this wasn’t enough, I then spent a long weekend at Charlotte Church’s retreat The Dreaming in mid-Wales, which I was kindly invited to a few months ago. They had even ordered copies of both my books for The Apothecary Shop, which I am assured is very exclusive {insert giggling emoji}. It is a magical and magnificent place and affordable too as retreats of this calibre go. I recommend it without reserve. Which is rare (given my inherent reserve).
Driving to Wales I was amazed to make it there unscathed, such was the excitable adrenaline coursing through my body for the whole journey. On the winding backroads, I was distracted and giddy, far too focused on belting out Taylor Swift hits than paying attention to the density of traffic at the beginning of the bank holiday weekend. At one point, I even had to pull over just to breathe sensibly after a near miss with a tractor as I raced around a bend, full of invincible feelings.
Yes, last Friday was a truly great day. And for days like this, I have a list.
If you have read me for a while, you know I love making a list. This list is called ‘Amazing things that are happening’ and I set it up at the end of April, when I found out that Booka Bookshop in Oswestry had painted a window and created a whole window display just for Weathering. Since then I have been adding the truly remarkable things that have been happening since, whether or not they are directly related to the book. I set it up as a way of not forgetting (on all the other days that are not like last Friday!) that there is still magic in the world and that working hard, pays off. There are many much harder days, and this list keeps me in touch with the joy inherent in creating your own desire-line through life. I read it when I wonder if I have made good choices for myself. I read it when I feel full of doubt. I read it when I feel like no one even remotely cares about things that matter to me, or me, or the planet, or human suffering. I read it when I feel crushingly insignificant. I read it when I think there is no joy to be had anywhere, anymore. I read it when I worry about the future, when I am anxious for the state of things.
On that list there is not a single sales or financial figure. In truth, if I let you read it you would perhaps think Really? This is remarkable to you? It’s not a list of things other people would think as exciting, but things that are incredibly meaningful to me – things I might have dreamed of, but mainly things I wouldn’t have dared to. Things that represent growth and development to me, relative to where I started. I have done all sorts of things in the last 6 months but even some of that good stuff hasn’t made the list. The list is reserved for only what is most jaw-dropping to me. The stuff that has the power to be most sustaining for the work I enjoy when it's most difficult.
Which is to say, it is not about money. Sure, some amount of money helps oil the wheels of possibility and keeps things going, but I have never been the least bit motivated to make it. I try to generate enough for support my lifestyle, but what drives me, what I am exceptionally driven by, is living a life that surprises me every day, that challenges me, and that creates strange and curious opportunities that support my emotional, psychological and spiritual development. This is my GDP. I am extraordinarily motivated by the acquisition of meaningful and soulful experiences that I wouldn’t have thought possible. My list keeps track of those things. I have ten things on my list; each makes my stomach flip.
Because the thing is I don't long for A Big Life. I don't want big reach and things that ask more of me than I can give. I don't like being too busy. I don't like things that take me away from my peace and quiet. I don't like incursions on my privacy or values. I don't like things that pull me out of the woods or off the hill. I love my averagely sized life with its moments of magic.
People ask me all the time how my books are doing. Have I sold many? Do I know exact numbers? And the answer this side of my first statement is no, I haven’t asked. Which is true. I have only a little above zero interest in sales numbers. Do I want to sell enough to make another book possible? Absolutely. This is the way publishing works, and so I have to keep making sure my book gets into people’s hands. But what I really love to do is express ideas and contribute to the ‘ideas economy’ in some way. I like to create spaces and things that make living a life a little better in some way. I want to have the opportunity to write better - do better - and reach more people, because it’s hard to beat the feeling of expansion or enlargement in one’s life (and passing that on) even when you’re transforming the scale from tiny to small. I think we can get too hung up on large-scale.
This Substack today has no fundamental point to it, except to say that I hope you also have an ‘Amazing things that are happening list’, and that if you don’t, you might consider making one. It’s not a far cry from a gratitude list I suppose, but designed to orient you back to what is truly dazzling. Which is, of course, as much a matter of perception as it is objectivity. Sometimes having the right list - the right container - promotes a new sort of noticing. Because it is easy to never properly pay attention. If nothing else, a hauntingly empty list might provoke renewed participation in one’s life, and an engagement in what really matters when you shut out everyone else’s priorities.
When I was young I loved the art of Salvador Dali (I mean, who didn’t?) and I had a placemat or such with a quote that said something like ‘I don’t aspire to be anyone but myself’. His attitude has stayed with me for half a lifetime, and I still hold his sentiment dear. But also this: ‘There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction’.
NEWS: My first zine is finding its way in the world this week, having arrived back from the printers. It is a limited edition of 100 and most now have a new home. You can grab one of the remaining copies here if you live in the UK!
You deserve every inch of this, amazing things happen with hard work, soul searching and touch of magic. Wishing you many more amazing things…. Xx
Wow! Could feel every joyful, fizzy surge of the giddiness of Friday as I travelled with you. What a day / week / life!
I don’t have this list (yet!), and a doubty voice in my head says there wouldn’t be much to put on it lately. But then the rebel in me feels inspired to prove it wrong. ☺️
I have a different list - the list of little things. Small (often tiny) achievements or bringers of joy during difficult days. It emerges every late winter, when the colour has seeped out for too long.
Looking forward to experimenting with yours. And excited and energised by everything that’s coming your way. Xx