Oh Ruth, the woman you saw made me BEAM! Nothing more perfect than seal bones and a singing bowl 😅 I see that and I see you. Thank you for the work you do, you see US and that work matters, beyond any arts council funding. I am so grateful for your words, I understand and feel them and don’t feel alone when I read them. I love a solo trip but now definitely want to frame it as a creative residency. My trips are usually to the coast but maybe I’m due a forest one in a beautiful cabin with the window framing the trees. And this; “It’s hard to be present and reflective in the same moment.” YES, so much yes. Cannot wait for book 3 😉
Oh thank you Helen ❤️ your reassuring words are the balm I need this morning, thank you. Eeeep. i wonder what would come if you took a trip into a different terrain, yes! It could be interesting...xx
I am in the first stages of planning my own creative campervan trip and reading this piece I feel inspired to call it what it actually is: an artists residency. I will embrace the lonesome and frequently odd (though it never feels so in the moment independent of worrying about how I’m being perceived) in me whilst exploring and creating. Thank you for sharing Ruth!
This made me a little bit teary for some reason, I think in part because it resonated with how I've felt putting my art out there (albeit in smaller ways) and how that need to be validated can seep into your bones. But also because I felt for winter Ruth and how shit that must have felt.
I have felt creatively 'dead' recently, but I know deep down that I'm just not painting at the moment, and those are very different things. I am noticing, taking photographs, doing henna and drafting designs for gardens, amongst many other things, and it's also just not something I am focusing on right now. I have work to do that brings me just as much joy, and my creative practice always feels better when I just let it do it's thing. It's more amoebic and nebulous than engineered, and I know that now. "Leave it be, Naomi."
But I also just wanted to give you a hug for how you have found yourself again and anew. I'm so glad that you were able to carve this residency out of this start of this year. I'm always relieved when people centre meaning at the heart of their creative practice, and will not budge from that core. When something coming from it can be beside the point, because how it feels it what matters most. And I get that with you.
I think I will be carrying this quote around with me for a while: 'I have always thrived at the edge of the village. I know my people.'
Thank you Naomi :) I am glad that this moved you a bit and that it chimed with your own experience of creativity. I think that differentiation you make is such an important one. When I talk about creativity I mean that whole life force and desire towards novelty and exploration that comes from oneself. This is clearly much broader than painting you and you have other things going on that feed your creative impulse. I think creativity has moods and flavours and too long in any one facet can get too much. I have a lot of appetite for certain creative out puts at the moment and not much for other aspects. I have gone into a thinking space rather than a moving space for example, and that switch has changed things from the dominant pattern of the last two years. I still do both, but one is pulling me more strongly. So there is always this switching and being prepared to go with it without worry or stress, I think.
Definitely! I find that I need that freedom with it and to let myself flit between what I'm curious about. So, I'm glad I'm not alone in that. My physical art practice has changed with that too, when I do draw or paint it's much less detailed now and I get a lot more joy from abstract watercolours and shadows.
Something that came to me when I was writing this comment was that I'm not here to lead my creativity, but to follow, guide and clear the way. It's like a little fantastic beast, and I just have to keep it safe and cared for.
Good luck with your thinking space! I have always found that to be a mole-hill process for me; snuffling and rooting around xx
Your response resonates with me Naomi. I've found painting difficult for a few months but I am a painter. It feels like I've lost my way and perhaps even my conviction which frightens me more. But I've been drawing and so, just as you say, there is creativity in other ways.
I loved how you described it as your fantastic little beast and how you have to keep it safe and care for it. How that made my heart glow! I will think of mine like this now. Thank you for that gift x
Oh, that's so kind of you, thank you. I'm glad that it resonated.
I've definitely found that giving myself a bit of grace and freedom around my creative practice much more fulfilling than trying to force myself into painting or drawing. If my heart's not in it, then I just can't and that's something I've had to learn and am still learning. But, I have never been able to get this off the ground professionally and so that probably makes it feel a bit different. I think following your intuition, wherever you can, is the best thing you can do. Let yourself wander and see where you get to.
I have a lot of fantastic beasts to take care of, some of them more 'unruly' than others. But, as you said, I have found it to be a kinder way to think of this. It allows me to reorient myself and try to be a bit more compassionate sometimes. And, it also just makes me smile. Hope you have a lovely Sunday xx
It resonated very much so Naomi! I am the same. If my heart is not there, neither is my art. I paint intuitively and so it just doesn't work. As for getting it off the ground, it just takes time. Far more than I ever expected. I have fretted over that in the past but with hindsight, it happens when it should If that makes sense?
Be kind to yourself. It's a difficult 'occupation' I think and we are always our own worst enemies. Trust in you. What you wish for will happen with time and trust. I hope you had a wonderful Sunday too xx
Thank you so much! This was such a kind reply to read this morning.
What you've written makes complete sense. Sometimes I get a bit tied up in knots about it all but mostly I am okay with not being an 'artist' at the moment. I find that a lot of my life is best left to just be, and over time I'm much more content for it. My art can be an avenue for so many things, but mostly it's just one of the ways that I show that I care and I don't want to lose that.
'Trust in you.' Something to hold onto this week. Take care, Naomi xx
I dreamt for a long time to have a creative business and over the last 11 years (I'm 58 now) I've been lucky to have the opportunity to explore that fully. I am still doing that and will be forever now I hope.
I am sure you get will your time too. Trust in your dreams.
Great tips for a creative residency (love a list 😃) that I will return to. You’ve got me thinking now, where I would go? Where calls to me? I thought that would be straightforward but it turns out it’s not. I like to visit cities alone but I don’t think that’s quite what my creative muse needs. I shall ponder. I am also settling into ‘what works for me’ too in terms of writing expectations. I appreciate your framing of how the world is not looking for you. It hits hard when that realisation comes. Not sure what I’m saying here but thinking aloud. Always a pleasure to read your posts Ruth, thank you. 🙏
Thank you Lynne. It's a brutal framing isn't it, I can see that. But I think sometimes it's refreshing to face the difficult thing and still come out of it? Because I really think there's still so much space to be in! So much. I just think that for me letting go of expectation for public funding is the healthy thing to do and focus on elsewhere. Like Book Three :)
So interested in you choice of where you'd go. It's funny because you're such a nature writer that going alone to cities sounds like it wouldn't offer the same hit, but perhaps cities feel easier in some way? Xx
Book Three sounds like the focus at the moment (Book 3!!!!!! Just take a moment…..). The city offers culture in ready proximity but then I wondered if a road trip taking in cultural highlights might do it. I think I need to work on the ‘it’s too indulgent’ bit. Nice you don’t have that one to battle at least! 😘
Yeah, I'm very lucky that's one issue I don't have. I guess it helps that it doesn't impinge on shared annual leave. But it used to and I still didn't care 🤣 Neil gets it and that's probably the biggest plus for me, and also has done a lot of work travel himself over the years so we balance out in different periods of life. Xx
I might be off-piste here but this is reminding me of that energy where you realise that you’re not a part of the ‘popular’ crowd at school, but that actually…you prefer these people and would hate it over there. Once you’re firmly settled there in your group enjoying yourselves, that popular crowd smells it on the wind and suddenly wants to be friends. I had a great friend at school who was absolutely outraged when one of the popular girls tried to make friends with us after 4+ years of active unfriendliness. Reminiscent of: ‘No, you can’t come to the wedding’ in ‘But Daddy, I love him’ on TTPD. They want it once you own it, but by then it's too late.
haha I think you are so on the mark with this! I think I am bringing a lot of 'screw you then' energy that will probably generate its own allure. As you say, this is how things tend to go. I mean, offers don't tend to fall into laps when it comes to money and opportunities but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I'm taken by surprise on this at some point. Love the Taylor ref. That song is so catchy - it's a new fave! haha. I do feel also a bit of that Running through the Fences energy....
It'll probably be something you can't even imagine right now. That's the fun of path making. And yes, I'm loving the album, it's grown on me a lot. Still in the incessant listening phase.
Loved this piece, will be thinking about this now! Not being ‘harassed by the need to be productive’ is a mantra every creative should have in front of them ❤️
Yes! Self initiated projects are so powerful, thank you for sharing your own residency experience, and for so many great guiding points. I'm so excited to plan a wee solo trip for myself now! I've always merged holidays split with residencies but they lack the space that solitude brings for creativity. Beautiful words, thank you 💙
I have often merged holidays with creative work stuff too. And still do. but as you say, there is something special and specifically useful about trips JUST for the purpose of servicing ones creative needs and outputs. Thanks so much for reading Orla :) xx
Let's go on an adventure! A line from the Hobbit movie. To travel to a distant place, to explore things that you've never witnessed before, to soak in the utter sheer beauty of it all, makes one's heart expand.
This is the message all of us "creatives" need to hear, no matter where we are in our journey. So much hope here, Ruth, and potency. And this, retyped in all caps for emphasis: "IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T MEAN I AM IRRELEVANT."
As a woman in my early 60s, I find myself unexpectedly having to come to terms with invisibility. I'm not an especially shy person, not afraid to speak my mind, but I still feel the subtle shifting of eyes and attentions. For me, not unlike your realizations though maybe not quite as profound, there is peace in letting the world think what they will. I know my strengths. I am secure in my personhood. And so, if you'll pardon the reference, f*** 'em!
I am thinking a lot about invisibility at the moment. About whether it's as linear as we're being lead to believe about the middle years. I also think this whole term is a big chunk and you're likely to have different experiences between mid 40s and 60s. But I hope that there is something more cyclical than permanent. That if you fall into the arms of the right people then visibility is something that can be enjoyed again. Perhaps there is something about falling between groups and needing to reorientate. At least, I am thinking of this for myself because I always seem to orient to younger people or try and keep up with their experience, while denying my own reality somehow.
Interesting perspective, Ruth. I am fortunate to have "the arms of the right people" nearby, so I don't feel myself slipping into obscurity. More or less, I'm content and know that I am deeply loved. The invisibility is more apparent in the outer circles. The strangers we pass, for instance. The job applications. But the idea of a cyclical experience is worth considering. I would say that if we are fortunate enough to live long enough, we suddenly become noticeable again, because we are *still here!*
Across the last decade, my friends have become both younger and older. I feel connected to women in their late 30s and equally to those in their late 70s. Age is of no consequence when experienced with people whose hearts are aligned. And we are back to the arms of the right people. <3
I hear you. I'm heading towards 60 and I feel a shift. But there's also a release. A quiet confidence. I feel that quiet cinfidence especially when I read wonderful articles like this and wonderful responses like yours. We are still just as 'valid', even more so I think. All that wisdom is what this world needs more than ever.
I love this! The balance between seeking approval and granting it to ourselves, the space alone to see ourselves - it’s all so needed and so often easy to neglect. I am going on a swimming holiday next week and have booked a week alone first. Can’t wait (but also a little nervous….!)
Thank you Bonnie. Ooooh a swimming holiday! How fantastic. And a week alone first. I think this sounds absolutely dreamy, but I can see why it is also a nervous thing to do. Will it be your first alone time in a while/ever? Do you have plans for how you might use that first week?
I do alone time and alone trips quite often, so it’s not that. I am anxious about driving on the other side of the road on my own! I had planned on finishing my novel before I left to send it to friends (though this may not quite happen!) and spending the week thinking gently, perhaps doing some writing on a non fiction project I keep circling back then pulling away from. It deals with my mums Alzheimer’s and I had thought of it as a week to connect with her - the soul of her and the things she loved - but also being gentle with myself as it’s a hard place to go to!
I was so struck by 'thinking gently' - this is something I relate to a lot. It's a necessary task for creatives isn't it, and thinking time has to be guarded these days, but I like the idea that it's a lighter thing not a wrought thing as 'thinking' so often can be or gets badged as.
You know I’ve been exploring “hunger”, getting to know it at a physiology level, interpreting the chemical chatter between hormones and brain, and noticing the metaphor across so many aspects of life: Need, Appetite, Satisfaction ….repeat. And yesterday, before I read your piece, during a break from rain and writing, a thought showed up: if nobody publishes my book it’s totally ok because there is a harvest in the process that is nourishing me, and hungering for visibility, appreciation, or whatever it is I think I need to fill me up might be a “meal deal” of UPFs whose satisfaction is short-lived.
Having said that, it would of course be nice if someone did publish it 😂
Ah yes, interesting to be in that thought process too. I like the way you explain it here. There is a harvest in the process. Absolutely!! I think process is everything. As you say, it's wonderful to be published but you are doing this work for reasons that go beyond that, and that's something to hold on to isn't it.
This is so fierce and beautiful Ruth, thank you. I used to lament my isolation but I think in many ways in given me a brawn that I would never have developed in a place of academia, or arts councils, or perhaps in populated places where comparison lurks and a sense of "who am I to say this" is more likely occur. The balance we all need to strike huh, between dipping in and dipping out, and knowing at which stage each is right.
I love your ideas for creative retreats and also argue that you are not the future- you very much are the future in the same way we carry different things forward depending on the experience gained as we've lived our lives. I remember seeing a talk once by Steven Jenkinson who said, "there is no such thing as equality, and nor should there be. At my age, I hold the knowledge and concerns of things that people younger than me shouldn't. And they hold experience, that I am removed from also'. Saying, by my interpretation, we can never be equal, because the things that we carry are different, but neither are less important and both still essential.
But I digress. A stream of consciousness comment sparked by your lovely words xx
Thank you Jane! Your words means so much. And yes! Steven's words say it better in a way that I was finding it hard to convey - it's that! It's not that I'm not relevant, it's just that my thing is a different thing in a different stage now. And people who need the funding and leg up at I their stage and, that's right, it's not equal as such, just different.. so good, thank you for that! Xx
I, too, "have always thrived at the edge of the village." This post was wonderful for me. Resonances of my writing trip to Oxford, England, two years ago. Encouragement that I don't need stamps of approval to know who I am or what my work is.
“But what I saw was a strange middle-aged creature scuttling around with a bag of seal bones and a singing bowl, photographing rocks, living off nuts and fruit, and babbling to arctic terns.”
Ooft. Such a powerful image. I relate hard to this scuttling creature with her seal bones and babbling. And, dare I say it, it reminded me of a book we’ve discussed previously. Of stepping outwith the expectations and stiff boundaries of society, and coming home to the land and the water and our kin.
Thanks for sharing so honestly, as always, Ruth. x
Oh Ruth, the woman you saw made me BEAM! Nothing more perfect than seal bones and a singing bowl 😅 I see that and I see you. Thank you for the work you do, you see US and that work matters, beyond any arts council funding. I am so grateful for your words, I understand and feel them and don’t feel alone when I read them. I love a solo trip but now definitely want to frame it as a creative residency. My trips are usually to the coast but maybe I’m due a forest one in a beautiful cabin with the window framing the trees. And this; “It’s hard to be present and reflective in the same moment.” YES, so much yes. Cannot wait for book 3 😉
Oh thank you Helen ❤️ your reassuring words are the balm I need this morning, thank you. Eeeep. i wonder what would come if you took a trip into a different terrain, yes! It could be interesting...xx
I am in the first stages of planning my own creative campervan trip and reading this piece I feel inspired to call it what it actually is: an artists residency. I will embrace the lonesome and frequently odd (though it never feels so in the moment independent of worrying about how I’m being perceived) in me whilst exploring and creating. Thank you for sharing Ruth!
Wonderful Charlie. Glad to be of inspiration for such a great sounding trip of your own! I can't wait to hear where you go and what you do.....
I’ve gathered some great ideas from this pot so thank you. Im cheering you on!
This made me a little bit teary for some reason, I think in part because it resonated with how I've felt putting my art out there (albeit in smaller ways) and how that need to be validated can seep into your bones. But also because I felt for winter Ruth and how shit that must have felt.
I have felt creatively 'dead' recently, but I know deep down that I'm just not painting at the moment, and those are very different things. I am noticing, taking photographs, doing henna and drafting designs for gardens, amongst many other things, and it's also just not something I am focusing on right now. I have work to do that brings me just as much joy, and my creative practice always feels better when I just let it do it's thing. It's more amoebic and nebulous than engineered, and I know that now. "Leave it be, Naomi."
But I also just wanted to give you a hug for how you have found yourself again and anew. I'm so glad that you were able to carve this residency out of this start of this year. I'm always relieved when people centre meaning at the heart of their creative practice, and will not budge from that core. When something coming from it can be beside the point, because how it feels it what matters most. And I get that with you.
I think I will be carrying this quote around with me for a while: 'I have always thrived at the edge of the village. I know my people.'
Take care, Naomi xx
Thank you Naomi :) I am glad that this moved you a bit and that it chimed with your own experience of creativity. I think that differentiation you make is such an important one. When I talk about creativity I mean that whole life force and desire towards novelty and exploration that comes from oneself. This is clearly much broader than painting you and you have other things going on that feed your creative impulse. I think creativity has moods and flavours and too long in any one facet can get too much. I have a lot of appetite for certain creative out puts at the moment and not much for other aspects. I have gone into a thinking space rather than a moving space for example, and that switch has changed things from the dominant pattern of the last two years. I still do both, but one is pulling me more strongly. So there is always this switching and being prepared to go with it without worry or stress, I think.
xx
Definitely! I find that I need that freedom with it and to let myself flit between what I'm curious about. So, I'm glad I'm not alone in that. My physical art practice has changed with that too, when I do draw or paint it's much less detailed now and I get a lot more joy from abstract watercolours and shadows.
Something that came to me when I was writing this comment was that I'm not here to lead my creativity, but to follow, guide and clear the way. It's like a little fantastic beast, and I just have to keep it safe and cared for.
Good luck with your thinking space! I have always found that to be a mole-hill process for me; snuffling and rooting around xx
That's a lovely way to think of it. Care for the little animal :) xx
Your response resonates with me Naomi. I've found painting difficult for a few months but I am a painter. It feels like I've lost my way and perhaps even my conviction which frightens me more. But I've been drawing and so, just as you say, there is creativity in other ways.
I loved how you described it as your fantastic little beast and how you have to keep it safe and care for it. How that made my heart glow! I will think of mine like this now. Thank you for that gift x
Oh, that's so kind of you, thank you. I'm glad that it resonated.
I've definitely found that giving myself a bit of grace and freedom around my creative practice much more fulfilling than trying to force myself into painting or drawing. If my heart's not in it, then I just can't and that's something I've had to learn and am still learning. But, I have never been able to get this off the ground professionally and so that probably makes it feel a bit different. I think following your intuition, wherever you can, is the best thing you can do. Let yourself wander and see where you get to.
I have a lot of fantastic beasts to take care of, some of them more 'unruly' than others. But, as you said, I have found it to be a kinder way to think of this. It allows me to reorient myself and try to be a bit more compassionate sometimes. And, it also just makes me smile. Hope you have a lovely Sunday xx
It resonated very much so Naomi! I am the same. If my heart is not there, neither is my art. I paint intuitively and so it just doesn't work. As for getting it off the ground, it just takes time. Far more than I ever expected. I have fretted over that in the past but with hindsight, it happens when it should If that makes sense?
Be kind to yourself. It's a difficult 'occupation' I think and we are always our own worst enemies. Trust in you. What you wish for will happen with time and trust. I hope you had a wonderful Sunday too xx
Thank you so much! This was such a kind reply to read this morning.
What you've written makes complete sense. Sometimes I get a bit tied up in knots about it all but mostly I am okay with not being an 'artist' at the moment. I find that a lot of my life is best left to just be, and over time I'm much more content for it. My art can be an avenue for so many things, but mostly it's just one of the ways that I show that I care and I don't want to lose that.
'Trust in you.' Something to hold onto this week. Take care, Naomi xx
You're so welcome, I hope it was helpful.
I dreamt for a long time to have a creative business and over the last 11 years (I'm 58 now) I've been lucky to have the opportunity to explore that fully. I am still doing that and will be forever now I hope.
I am sure you get will your time too. Trust in your dreams.
Sue xx
Great tips for a creative residency (love a list 😃) that I will return to. You’ve got me thinking now, where I would go? Where calls to me? I thought that would be straightforward but it turns out it’s not. I like to visit cities alone but I don’t think that’s quite what my creative muse needs. I shall ponder. I am also settling into ‘what works for me’ too in terms of writing expectations. I appreciate your framing of how the world is not looking for you. It hits hard when that realisation comes. Not sure what I’m saying here but thinking aloud. Always a pleasure to read your posts Ruth, thank you. 🙏
Thank you Lynne. It's a brutal framing isn't it, I can see that. But I think sometimes it's refreshing to face the difficult thing and still come out of it? Because I really think there's still so much space to be in! So much. I just think that for me letting go of expectation for public funding is the healthy thing to do and focus on elsewhere. Like Book Three :)
So interested in you choice of where you'd go. It's funny because you're such a nature writer that going alone to cities sounds like it wouldn't offer the same hit, but perhaps cities feel easier in some way? Xx
Book Three sounds like the focus at the moment (Book 3!!!!!! Just take a moment…..). The city offers culture in ready proximity but then I wondered if a road trip taking in cultural highlights might do it. I think I need to work on the ‘it’s too indulgent’ bit. Nice you don’t have that one to battle at least! 😘
I know! Book 3. Madness!!
Yeah, I'm very lucky that's one issue I don't have. I guess it helps that it doesn't impinge on shared annual leave. But it used to and I still didn't care 🤣 Neil gets it and that's probably the biggest plus for me, and also has done a lot of work travel himself over the years so we balance out in different periods of life. Xx
I might be off-piste here but this is reminding me of that energy where you realise that you’re not a part of the ‘popular’ crowd at school, but that actually…you prefer these people and would hate it over there. Once you’re firmly settled there in your group enjoying yourselves, that popular crowd smells it on the wind and suddenly wants to be friends. I had a great friend at school who was absolutely outraged when one of the popular girls tried to make friends with us after 4+ years of active unfriendliness. Reminiscent of: ‘No, you can’t come to the wedding’ in ‘But Daddy, I love him’ on TTPD. They want it once you own it, but by then it's too late.
haha I think you are so on the mark with this! I think I am bringing a lot of 'screw you then' energy that will probably generate its own allure. As you say, this is how things tend to go. I mean, offers don't tend to fall into laps when it comes to money and opportunities but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I'm taken by surprise on this at some point. Love the Taylor ref. That song is so catchy - it's a new fave! haha. I do feel also a bit of that Running through the Fences energy....
It'll probably be something you can't even imagine right now. That's the fun of path making. And yes, I'm loving the album, it's grown on me a lot. Still in the incessant listening phase.
I hope this is the case :)
I wasn't hooked on first listening as I was Midnights or Reputation, but definitely it's a grower and I am listening A LOT also!
Loved this piece, will be thinking about this now! Not being ‘harassed by the need to be productive’ is a mantra every creative should have in front of them ❤️
Thank you Rachel :) I'm glad it chimed! X
Yes! Self initiated projects are so powerful, thank you for sharing your own residency experience, and for so many great guiding points. I'm so excited to plan a wee solo trip for myself now! I've always merged holidays split with residencies but they lack the space that solitude brings for creativity. Beautiful words, thank you 💙
I have often merged holidays with creative work stuff too. And still do. but as you say, there is something special and specifically useful about trips JUST for the purpose of servicing ones creative needs and outputs. Thanks so much for reading Orla :) xx
Let's go on an adventure! A line from the Hobbit movie. To travel to a distant place, to explore things that you've never witnessed before, to soak in the utter sheer beauty of it all, makes one's heart expand.
It does, absolutely! I wouldn't change it.
This is the message all of us "creatives" need to hear, no matter where we are in our journey. So much hope here, Ruth, and potency. And this, retyped in all caps for emphasis: "IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T MEAN I AM IRRELEVANT."
As a woman in my early 60s, I find myself unexpectedly having to come to terms with invisibility. I'm not an especially shy person, not afraid to speak my mind, but I still feel the subtle shifting of eyes and attentions. For me, not unlike your realizations though maybe not quite as profound, there is peace in letting the world think what they will. I know my strengths. I am secure in my personhood. And so, if you'll pardon the reference, f*** 'em!
I am thinking a lot about invisibility at the moment. About whether it's as linear as we're being lead to believe about the middle years. I also think this whole term is a big chunk and you're likely to have different experiences between mid 40s and 60s. But I hope that there is something more cyclical than permanent. That if you fall into the arms of the right people then visibility is something that can be enjoyed again. Perhaps there is something about falling between groups and needing to reorientate. At least, I am thinking of this for myself because I always seem to orient to younger people or try and keep up with their experience, while denying my own reality somehow.
Interesting perspective, Ruth. I am fortunate to have "the arms of the right people" nearby, so I don't feel myself slipping into obscurity. More or less, I'm content and know that I am deeply loved. The invisibility is more apparent in the outer circles. The strangers we pass, for instance. The job applications. But the idea of a cyclical experience is worth considering. I would say that if we are fortunate enough to live long enough, we suddenly become noticeable again, because we are *still here!*
Across the last decade, my friends have become both younger and older. I feel connected to women in their late 30s and equally to those in their late 70s. Age is of no consequence when experienced with people whose hearts are aligned. And we are back to the arms of the right people. <3
I hear you. I'm heading towards 60 and I feel a shift. But there's also a release. A quiet confidence. I feel that quiet cinfidence especially when I read wonderful articles like this and wonderful responses like yours. We are still just as 'valid', even more so I think. All that wisdom is what this world needs more than ever.
Preach! :)
I love this! The balance between seeking approval and granting it to ourselves, the space alone to see ourselves - it’s all so needed and so often easy to neglect. I am going on a swimming holiday next week and have booked a week alone first. Can’t wait (but also a little nervous….!)
Thank you Bonnie. Ooooh a swimming holiday! How fantastic. And a week alone first. I think this sounds absolutely dreamy, but I can see why it is also a nervous thing to do. Will it be your first alone time in a while/ever? Do you have plans for how you might use that first week?
I do alone time and alone trips quite often, so it’s not that. I am anxious about driving on the other side of the road on my own! I had planned on finishing my novel before I left to send it to friends (though this may not quite happen!) and spending the week thinking gently, perhaps doing some writing on a non fiction project I keep circling back then pulling away from. It deals with my mums Alzheimer’s and I had thought of it as a week to connect with her - the soul of her and the things she loved - but also being gentle with myself as it’s a hard place to go to!
I was so struck by 'thinking gently' - this is something I relate to a lot. It's a necessary task for creatives isn't it, and thinking time has to be guarded these days, but I like the idea that it's a lighter thing not a wrought thing as 'thinking' so often can be or gets badged as.
You know I’ve been exploring “hunger”, getting to know it at a physiology level, interpreting the chemical chatter between hormones and brain, and noticing the metaphor across so many aspects of life: Need, Appetite, Satisfaction ….repeat. And yesterday, before I read your piece, during a break from rain and writing, a thought showed up: if nobody publishes my book it’s totally ok because there is a harvest in the process that is nourishing me, and hungering for visibility, appreciation, or whatever it is I think I need to fill me up might be a “meal deal” of UPFs whose satisfaction is short-lived.
Having said that, it would of course be nice if someone did publish it 😂
Ah yes, interesting to be in that thought process too. I like the way you explain it here. There is a harvest in the process. Absolutely!! I think process is everything. As you say, it's wonderful to be published but you are doing this work for reasons that go beyond that, and that's something to hold on to isn't it.
This is so fierce and beautiful Ruth, thank you. I used to lament my isolation but I think in many ways in given me a brawn that I would never have developed in a place of academia, or arts councils, or perhaps in populated places where comparison lurks and a sense of "who am I to say this" is more likely occur. The balance we all need to strike huh, between dipping in and dipping out, and knowing at which stage each is right.
I love your ideas for creative retreats and also argue that you are not the future- you very much are the future in the same way we carry different things forward depending on the experience gained as we've lived our lives. I remember seeing a talk once by Steven Jenkinson who said, "there is no such thing as equality, and nor should there be. At my age, I hold the knowledge and concerns of things that people younger than me shouldn't. And they hold experience, that I am removed from also'. Saying, by my interpretation, we can never be equal, because the things that we carry are different, but neither are less important and both still essential.
But I digress. A stream of consciousness comment sparked by your lovely words xx
Thank you Jane! Your words means so much. And yes! Steven's words say it better in a way that I was finding it hard to convey - it's that! It's not that I'm not relevant, it's just that my thing is a different thing in a different stage now. And people who need the funding and leg up at I their stage and, that's right, it's not equal as such, just different.. so good, thank you for that! Xx
I think you both said it perfectly 💛
I, too, "have always thrived at the edge of the village." This post was wonderful for me. Resonances of my writing trip to Oxford, England, two years ago. Encouragement that I don't need stamps of approval to know who I am or what my work is.
You don't, you don't, you don't 🙂 xx
“But what I saw was a strange middle-aged creature scuttling around with a bag of seal bones and a singing bowl, photographing rocks, living off nuts and fruit, and babbling to arctic terns.”
Ooft. Such a powerful image. I relate hard to this scuttling creature with her seal bones and babbling. And, dare I say it, it reminded me of a book we’ve discussed previously. Of stepping outwith the expectations and stiff boundaries of society, and coming home to the land and the water and our kin.
Thanks for sharing so honestly, as always, Ruth. x
This is such a thrilling, inspiring post. Thank you for writing it.
Oh thank you so much Keris! I am grateful you took the time to read it :) xx
This makes my heart happy. Just shared with a writer friend as well. Thanks, Ruth 💛
Thank you Jen!